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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28956012">leave it all here in this bed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelouisau/pseuds/princelouisau'>princelouisau</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>pillow talk [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bottom Louis, Emotional Infidelity, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, Top Harry, Top Zayn, i’m just scared about tagging lol, louis just loves both of them so much, the smut is very much not explicit, the threesome is briefly mentioned and louis centred</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:53:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28956012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelouisau/pseuds/princelouisau</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One of Louis’s many sleepless nights.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>pillow talk [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2147451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>leave it all here in this bed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepolourryexpress/gifts">thepolourryexpress</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from ghostin’ by ariana grande. </p>
<p>thank you so much to pip for dealing with my early morning rambles as i wrote this, and for finding ghostin’ which fits so so well. would never have finished this without you ily &lt;3</p>
<p>this is a gift for ni, my zouis breakdown sister and the person who roots for me to write more than anyone. i truly owe you so much and i’m so glad we became friends, unfortunately all i can do is try and make you cry :’)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bed is warm. The softly snoring body beside him radiates heat, something he’s never quite gotten used to even four years down the road. Louis is sat against the headboard, legs pulled to his chest like he’s trying to take up as little space as possible in their king-sized bed. </p>
<p>It’s 3am. Harry has been asleep for hours, exhausted by the drive home from the airport and their quick but passionate, always passionate, sex. Louis and sleep have not been friends for some time. He tries and tries, tossing and turning and begging whatever deity may be listening to let him fall under but he never does, always hanging on the precipice. </p>
<p>He thinks— well he knows, that it’s the guilt. The guilt of sharing a bed with the love of his life and thinking about someone else.</p>
<p>He loves Harry, adores him more than he could ever possibly express in a million love songs. They’ve grown together, faced things harder than they ever could have imagined, risked everything for the opportunity to love each other. One gentle touch of the younger boy’s hand on his lower back and he knows that he’s safe. One effortlessly charming smile and he’s home. They fit, they really do. Harry is everything he used to lay awake at night hoping he could have one day. Ironic, really.</p>
<p>His problem, the reason he can’t curl up next to his love and finally melt away into slumber, is Zayn. His best fucking friend. This isn’t entirely a new problem, his love for Zayn and his love for Harry have always coincided, the former being easier to ignore because Harry shone so bright. It was always there though, simmering on the edges of his mind; lurking, threatening. </p>
<p>As the years have passed, Zayn has slowly become his anchor. A role he thought once would always belong to his boyfriend, now when he panics in a crowd or feels lost in his own head it’s warm brown eyes he seeks out instead of green. He always knows, he always knows what Louis needs and when he needs it. There have been times when everything was crumbling down around him and not a single soul could tell but he would always be there, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and holding him close until his familiar scent and calming voice brought him back to earth. Zayn is his calm.</p>
<p>They’ve fucked, multiple times. He wouldn’t cheat, could never do that to the sweet man who loves him, but they have fucked. Harry is an enigma, he’s extremely jealous and looks ready to kill any man or woman who so much as breathes in Louis’ direction and yet for some reason lets his bandmate fuck his boyfriend sometimes. Most of the times it has happened, Harry has been there. Watching. On occasion, he gets involved. Louis would never admit it to either of them, but those are his favourite times. They lavish him in attention, always putting his pleasure first. Harry is a possessive lover, slamming into him until he sees stars, leaving marks all over his body, claiming every inch of him. Zayn, when it’s the three of them, is quiet, calm, focused. They both only ever have eyes for him and it’s in those moments of pure ecstasy that he thinks he might never need to reach the fabled pearly gates to see heaven. </p>
<p>When it’s just him and his best friend, something changes. Zayn changes. He presses his fingers into Louis’ hips just that little bit harder, revels in the pretty marks left behind. Knowing Harry will see them. He takes in a way he wouldn’t dare take in front of the other man, lest he shatter their fragile peace. He’s less quiet when it’s just them, presses his lips ever so lightly along sun-kissed skin, pours love into the dips of his collarbone and the swell of his tummy with whispered declarations. </p>
<p>The force of Zayn’s love scares him. He often catches him looking at him like he’d give up everything just to make him smile. He treats him like he is the only one in the room even when everyone is clamouring for a smidgen of attention. The blue-eyed boy is aware of how much he hates being in the band, he can see him lose fragments of himself every day. He knows the only thing keeping him tethered to the other boys and this life is him. He feels selfish, so horrifically selfish for keeping him here. </p>
<p>Louis is scared, he’s so fucking scared because he loves them both. He loves them both so dearly. Zayn would never ask him for more, he knows that as certainly as he knows the sky is blue. On the other hand, Harry has given him so much by allowing him to have those doses of what he needs. Stupidly, he wishes it were possible to continue having them both. The ice they walk on is thin, he hears cracks with every move he makes. He’s going to drown. He has to choose… has to do something. </p>
<p>Movement startles him out of his thoughts, he looks down and in the dim light of their bedroom he can see Harry looking up at him with a soft, sleepy frown on his face.</p>
<p>“Trouble sleeping again, baby?” he questions, voice gravelly with sleep and concern. Louis thinks his heart is already breaking. </p>
<p>“I’m okay, love.. go back to sleep,” he all but murmurs, reaching out to run a hand through the other man’s hair. Harry, unsurprisingly, doesn’t do as he’s told and instead carefully pulls Louis out of his curled up position and manoeuvres him until he’s entirely wrapped up in his arms. Letting his troubles float away for a second, he buries his face into Harry’s chest and presses a soft kiss to one of the swallows tattooed there, his favourite little tradition. </p>
<p>“I love you,” it’s whispered, but he knows Harry hears it because he feels the way his heart skips slightly, almost in relief. The guilt is back again, clawing its way up his throat until the pain of it stings behind his closed eyelids. He can’t cry. He can’t cry.</p>
<p>“I love you more.”</p>
<p>Fuck. The ice cracks again, he can feel the water pooling around his feet. Will he drown this time? </p>
<p>The bed is warm but Louis has never felt so cold.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you enjoyed and i’m sorry if it hurt (it hurt me too), pls kudos and comment if you liked it and you can find me on twitter at platonicrose !! thank you for reading &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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